March 9, 2018,
I’m sorry, I am wrong, I know. I have spent days, NO, years, living in depression, anger, and even fear; and You, my Creator, you have suffered because.
Depressed, because I’m so positive my H has not been faithful to me. Angry because I don’t understand why you are NOT blowing his many covers, ratting him out, blowing up his world and game. Fearful because I look like a loser, fearful it or he, or they, are in still full-blown affair mode, although the deepest of me (at this time) thinks not.
I want to have you back in my life, in full swing, you, me, early mornings spending time together. Me, singing off-key, to you and for you. Me, reading your word, learning more about you, listening to how much you love me.
I want to be out of this funk, this ugly bitter funk I’ve allowed to bathe myself in, day after day. I want to look at my H and believe he loves me as much as he says he does and always has.
We celebrate our wedding anniversary this weekend, Twenty-Five years, in marriage, together. Is it a farce? I’ve allowed myself to accept this (as of now). I’ve allowed myself to take those Ten-days off, to spend time away, together, alone. My H and me.
I’m going to wait on you and believe. I will believe that when you see fit if my past four years are right, you will open my eyes and the situation. For now (at least I believe this today) for now, I will at least enjoy my time away from my real life. For now, I will reward myself with sunshine, long mornings languishing in bed; be it nursing a hangover, or just laying in bed to read. I’m going to reward myself. I stayed faithful AND, I’ve grown immensely, especially the last four years.
Thank you, my Dear Creator, thank you for my amazing daughters, whom I’ve prayed for since the very beginning. You have given me such gifts. Thank you, My Creator. Thank you for your love for me, for my family.
In sincerity, I pray for my friends, my readers, my blogger friends (family). I ask, my Creator that you bless them. Bless them with healing, bless them with hope, Bless them with courage. Please, give TO my blogger family who have suffered the same, these friends that I have made, please, shower all with hope and support.
My Dear Creator,
This Day, an expression of love, a day to show those you love your admiration, your promise, your vows once made or even a desire to say those vows, of undying forever to the end of time love. Yet, from the blogs I’ve read as of late, those vows can be broken, they can be torn to pieces, shredded, left for dead. Love, broken, painful, and surprisingly bitter.
You, Creator, it is You that created us to want, need, desire, crave, beg for more. And, that is impossible on a human level to fill. It is impossible to give to another a love so perfect and fulfilling. But YOU, Lord, Creator, Rock, and Hope. Only you can give love so perfectly. Only YOU can fulfill anyone and everyone.
Thank you, for your perfect love for me. Thank you, for your perfect love for all of your creation.
My Love, My Lord, My Hope,
It IS My desire, to live intentionally, to love, be loved. To LIVE. To live the love you want me to live. You, My Creator, so want for me to be fulfilled, loved and fulfilled. You, My Creator, desire for me to appreciate and love every.single.gift. You have given TO me.
I want to be there. HERE. To live intentionally.