Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Friends

Yes- Yes, I think know feel as if he is feeding me lines. He thinks he knows me, this insecure frail woman. He Is Wrong.

I am hoping praying that I will remain strong. That I will remain as if I am naive.. aka a dumb ass.

When I Imagine that he and she/they laughed at me, I receive a great desire, I mean insanely intense desire, to find details and display them everywhere and in every way I am able.

So, Dear Friends, as I pray for the great reveal, I ask that you begin taking notes and ideas of how I can embarrass the hell out of him and anyone else involved.

 

Suggestions? Please, do tell.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Going to the House this weekend

.. and I am nervous, scared, uptight and, well, uptight.

I want to love it at our vacation home like I once did, but there is something that taints the feeling.

My H, he is all over me, loving me, telling me how beautiful I am.

I have a sister; she is serious, drop dead gorgeous. She ALWAYS has been. She is the woman who makes hardly an effort makeup wise, has worked out every single day since high school,  blonde, boobs, tiny waist, nice rear and the works. (Yes, friends, she has children.) Mostly she has a heart of gold.This sister, she is the only person in this world that I can reveal a deep, dark, secret to and I will know for a fact she will NOT reveal it, EVER.

 

BTW- I will repeat: YES, she has children.

She turns heads everywhere she goes. ALWAYS. We all know that beautiful women are often hated on by other women. We will make excuses for he (striking woman)  to be hated. For instance, I will name all the surgeries, fillers and so forth “she”  must have had in order to be so striking. Surely, she hasn’t come by “it” naturally.

All throughout high school, my sister was immediately hated by the other girls because they assumed she was “stuck-up” as was said in my day. When I dated guys, they would ask “you’re HER sister, really?”

Anyway, remember the wedding I spoke of earlier? My H tonight, and last night, the night before and the night before said to me: “YOU, You are the beautiful one, it’s you, at the wedding….. Oh, my— you were stunning. You Looked way better than ……. your sisters, waaaaay.  YOU looked soooo hot.

I’m not mentioning this to brag, or, whatever you might be thinking. I share this because as of late, this is how my H has been treating me. Telling me me what a wonder I am, beautiful, in shape, just.so.hot.

As my H says. OH.MY.

Tonight, he spoke of how much I’ve been working out, how he feels the need to catch up with me. He claims, “you’ve always been hot, I married you for your ass, but, when you work-out, your attitude changes, it shows in your self-esteem.”

We’ve read that right? Working out improves the mood. It’s true; I’ve been feeling great emotionally and physically since hitting the gym.

Yet, for some reason, because I no longer trust him, I am assuming he is feeding me lines so that he can slip away with one of the girls.

I so wish he would spill the truth,Do you wanna make love or do you just want to fool around that way he would understand the reasons, many reasons, why I wonder every time he leaves my presence be it work or the house, I wonder ….. is he leaving to text, meet or have wild sex with whoever the flavor is this timee

I wish I could turn my brain off. Most of me think at this time it is him and me only. He is remorseful, wants only me, only me.

Then again, In the back of my mind, that small percent, I think he is trying to throw me off track.

My entire point of this point….. I am scared S**tless that he is planning a rendezvous with his skanky lover named Sleeza or his larger lover named Whorie.

 

Any guesses?

Be well my friends,

 

xoxo

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Someone I consider a “mentor”

 

I am a Christian. Sometimes I get off track, I admit, however, when it comes “down to it  “I will NEVER, ever, leave or deny my Creator, Maker, my Hope, and my Strength.” The ONLY reason I KNOW that I can continue. The ONLY reason that I know I can be OKAY, even if I might never see the ending of this vicious circle. Okay, in the way that I might see what happens to HIM, because he is trying to make me believe I’m crazy.

Anyhow, Thank You, friend, who grows concerned about me, when I make those crazy posts. I hope you know who you are. I hope you know how much I appreciate you.

 

Be well

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Wedding Vows for today

Today, April 21, 2018, my niece married in a very, small wedding ceremony, with a larger reception. Get this: She didn’t want the wedding ordeal or reception for that matter, but her husband did. Just thought that was an intriguing piece of information.

The Officiator of the wedding made it seem as if pledging their love to one another was not a common occurrence. When he spoke of the seriousness of the vows, the pledge this young couple would make to one another.; he kept it very personal, despite the familiar scripture reference (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8) used for Weddings, the beautifully worded advice, seemed fresh and new this day. Even though the scriptures were read during my wedding, Twenty Five years ago, this year; Standing, listening, watching, smack in the beautiful middle vineyards of the Napa Valley.

 

vineyards

 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

 Love never fails.

He spoke of staying true, staying pure, staying honorable, reputable. It was the oddest feeling when he spoke of “staying true” I could almost hear my H quit breathing, but then again, maybe it was me. He repeated the point, by then, I could sense that half or more of the twenty or so present, quit breathing. But, who am I to guess.

At the end of his Seven minute joining together He said this: ” If you can do this, I  guarantee you, okay, money back guarantee. If you can, every day, be patient, every day, be kind, you will be together, until death you do part. Let me say, NOT kind when you feel like it, NOT patient when you feel like it, but every.single.day. You do these things, and it will cover your marriage days.”

I thought, just wow. Because be patient; being patient will halt the arguments. Being kind will halt the selfishness. Halting selfishness – well, more than likely will halt infidelity: flirting, cheating, looking for more, of what, I do not know. I would imagine that halting selfishness will keep the WS from seeking ego kibbles from others.

But, what do I know?

 

 

 

Wedding cake topper

 

 

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

A couple things you outta know

  1.  I do NOT sulk around the house or him, he has no idea I write. As far as he is concerned he knows that I know he cheated even though he continues to deny. He knows I’ve called, texted, emailed every single one of the suspects of his object of desire. We’ve not spoken of any of the attempts to contact “them”, but he know’s I’m crazy ass pissed, he is frightened. So that makes him nervous, this crazy ass wife. I’m a nice Christian girl, if I say “shit” , it knocks him off his feet.

That’s all changed, thanks to him.

2.  I’m not stuffy, if you swear, drink or whatever I don’t care, it’s just that I would rather not drink, small impressionable girls and all.

 

The girls are older now.

 

There was a time when I could honestly say I don’t drink. It wasn’t because I didn’t approve but because alcohol made me tired, hell, exhausted. A few sips of red wine and I was yawning the night away. Until….. I discovered tequila. Yum and, wow.

So now, it’s who I am… unfortunately I’ve become a drunk. I come home from work, wait a proper amount of time, pour a shot, I then make a margarita and indulge. I’ve gone from drinking once every year or so to nightly.

This would be the reason for my long, humiliating posts.  Where, like a high-schooler trying to impress the upperclassman, I eff bomb every other word to my H objects of lust and affection.

When the sun rises the next day, I slink to my laptop to see what embarrassing post I’ve made. Sometimes I leave it, most times I delete.

I once belonged to a forum years ago that had a rule, posted at the top of the forum: ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING AND POSTING. A half-joking rule was written for a man by the pen name: “Standingnow”  He would write long rambling responses, mostly with the hope of trigger a bar fight, AKA as trolls.

 

So now, I think I might need to adhere to the rule No drinking and posting. Because, for now, I’m not giving up the booze. I made it booze free for 53 years, why not give myself a year … or so.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

I will never get over reading

I will never get over the introductory statements from the newbies. it’s downright dreadful, seriously and painfully, depressing.

It makes me sad, desperate, is there a deeper word (?) for the newbies who join or club of the BS (Betrayed Spouse) Is there anything else to say?

Read the introductions, nearly all, most, begin with ” I never thought….” I would be writing”,” saying”,” confessing”, …. that my spouse cheated.

There is such a big part of me that want’s to grab the cheaters by the scruff of their neck ( okay, privates) and bring them to read the words of the betrayed.

But, here is reality:

They, the BSers don’t give a flying ….

 

Click here for the site that has saved my sanity

 

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Here.Now.Why.

 

The pain that oozes from the members

Of the website, is beyond what words can describe. Seriously, I’m not trying to pepper the words for drama; I’m not going for the dramatic effect, it is out and out painful to read the words of the B, S. (betrayed spouse) for those of you who have no idea of the lingo.

Nearly 100% of these posters, maybe— maybe 95% use words like “shocked” “never would have believed” “We were considered the best couple” Blah freaking Blah. And, it’s sad.

I knew the statistics, I’ve read all of the “expert” articles, but never would I have thought that infidelity is so darn prevalent.

Hello- Here.Am. I.

 

Anyone read the book “The Silent Wife” by Kerry Fisher? Here is my secret: I am Laura, I can relate, I think I’m her, in the book.

I’ve not finished the books, so no spoilers.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

The reason why posts are “emptied”

I can’t think of a better word, I’m sorry.

There are posts, with titles, however, after a day or two, I decide to delete them, why?

Well, because I go back to read the post, I make only to read the responses. The responses I received, most loving and kind, sincere and filled with concern; I so very much appreciate your responses to me.  We are family indeed, yes?

Family…honest and heartfelt. True and sincere. Like a sister who would tell you to pull your head from your @zz. And I consider that true love.

So, when I receive assertive remarks to my post, I will re-read, see that I sound as if I am a whiney, leftover scorned lover. Or, like a crazed, out of control, again, scorned lover. So I decided to delete my post.

 

You all mean well, every single person. Those who have the “balls” to say your name and “speak” the truth, I’m willing to hear. Even those who send me those “anonymous” emails and have your followers — lack of a better word. As I said and deleted earlier, to bully me and anyone else in my shoes, most know what I mean.

Of course, it hurts. I may be 53, it still hurts, your words. I understand I’ve been there as well. “You” (bullies) are looking for anyone and anything to blame, other than the CHEATER- the husband .

I know, I blame my H too, and I also blame the desperate, thirsty, skank of the other woman as well. I will FOREVER blame the OW, thirsty whores.

I have NEVER been as desperate as the skanks who chased my husband down. I’ve NEVER dated a man that I knew was committed, be it married, engaged or dating. NEVER.

I’ve NEVER- I mean EVER— as in NEVER——- pretended to be the friend of a woman so that I could bed her man. NEVER.

Men- you are NOT animals, you can say NO- the ability to turn and run.