Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Update Weekend and Visitor

He sent me to town for an errand; he couldn’t go because he was burning brush. HER H just left for work.

During the time I was waiting for my visitor to be available, I slowly got ready to run his errand for him. I believe her H came back to the house.

Disclaimer: since I’ve been watching for a year plus, probably more like two years, I’ve been able to “memorize” the schedules and the habits, excuses, reasons, of the two, desperate in love. (scratch) horny for, lovers, or whatever the hell they call one another.

So, I leave, I *think* her H comes home, and my friend, who is quite good at what she does, takes a walk, befriends, my elderly neighbor, and sits on his deck, watching the happenings of my home and hers.

I receive text updates; your H is working, your H is moving toward the back, your H keeps looking at that house. The door opens, the dog escapes Ithat house) nothing, nothing, nothing. H continues to watch. H keeps watching. H, looks busy but doing nothing.

She tells me to lay low, wait a few weeks; she thinks he’s suspicious (that word tickles me, makes me LOL)

She then informs me ( this is why I’ve grown to love this girl) that my elderly neighbor, who so kindly let her sit on his deck, need groceries.

“I am going to wait until you return, and bring him to buy some supplies.”

Just effing WOW. What a heart!

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Who is this person, Me?

Growing up, all I EVER wanted to be was a mom. Sure, Teacher, Nurse, Private Investigator, fell in there as was usual for my age group, but the bottom line. Mom.

I always imagined myself in a station wagon, driving my kids to school, picking them up after school, and on my feet were fuzzy slippers. Funny thing about this image, my mother NEVER drove us to school, it was riding the bus, and if you were running late and missed it, she – was – pissed. And a pissed mom was something that was NOT GOOD.

I read a lot growing up, still try to busyness keeps that from happening, because of that, I believe, I am a dramatic person. BIG TIME. So, along with imagining myself in fuzzy slippers, driving my many children  to school,  ( I wanted five) I imagined a very troubled, even violent, life. Hard, Danielle Steel, book difficult life. You know, when I lead a troubled life and finally at the end, my knight in shining armor saves me.

So, when I became a mom, I was determined to be the best mom ever. We lost our first, stillborn, fully mature, perfect looking son; only, he didn’t draw one breath outside my womb. So, in addition to the intense desire to be the perfect parent, I was paranoid. If God was going to take my first child, what would keep him from me developing a closer bond with my second child, and then taking her?

I lived my life this way, for many years. It’s not such a good thing when you are married to a person who must have full attention, always, even if he/she that person is a completely, grown, adult.

Even speaking with the current therapist, counselors, psychologist, and psychiatrist; you will be told, MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELVES AS COUPLES. Children grow, move, get married and start families of their own.

I was different; my H loves me, understands me, he would NEVER cheat on me, again: HE WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON ME. He brags about me, how beautiful I am, what a good woman I am, I put up with this, I put up with that…. blah blah blah, yada yada yada, read every single other blog about being betrayed, and you will read:
“Who me, betrayed. Who him a Wanderer? NEVER!”

My H began to drink (more) I began to hate (more) I began to spend every single moment, self-righteously with my children; after all, if he were a good dad, he would too. Thus, self-righteous.

Of course, what else would happen? A desperate, lonely, few times married, or insecure, single woman, she is going to recognize an “ignored, lonely, married to a cold-hearted woman and in a sexless marriage” man. None of which is true. I mean, sure, we married folk have life that interrupts crazy, out of control, over the top sex. But, given the chance, we can give it. Given the effing chance.

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Help please

Friends,  are you prayers? If yes, please do this one for me. If not, please give it a try for me this time.

Im literally sitting to the side of him now as we travel toward that vacation home that has contributed to my angst and sorrow. Every time he runs an errand or walks toward the back when outside, I tense either become depressed or infuriated.

My prayer request? I’ve done as suggested and hired help. Most of you understand what I mean. We’re praying for results.

 

 

Xoxo

 

 

 

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

In the family

My niece just had a baby. Gosh, remember your first? You just knew that no other mother on this earth could love her child as much as you love yours. Nobody told me I was going to fall in love like this, all I wanted to do was hold her every minute of the day. I couldn’t put her down.

Three years ago my niece got married. She was married eleven months when she divorced her husband. You’ll never believe why; He was accusing her of having an affair, and he would not leave her alone about it. In fact, he was so crazy, so out of control, he called the wife of the OM and told her that his wife was having an affair with her husband.

My niece was infuriated and “embarrassed” She called my sister (her mother) and told her that she has tried, she didn’t want marriage counsel and didn’t even want individual counsel, she was done working at this marriage. Her then H had ruined their relationship with his accusations. In fact, the terrible man she was married to nearly collapsed the relationship of the man he accused her of banging.

My niece just had a baby….. guess who the daddy is?

No mention has been made of the ex-husband, except we now have more dirt about him. He was oh, abusive emotionally, he forced himself on her, all the Bull Crap that gets spouted when someone must excuse themselves from their banging another than their spouse.

The wife of that make-believe affair? They are almost legally divorced. She now has two small children, and those small children have a new baby sister.

When this first happened and my sister was telling me all these terrible things that her (now) ex-son-in-law would do while accusing her daughter, it was me. I did every single one of those “terrible things”.  Of course, I knew the truth, but what am going to say? Your daughter is a heart-breaking, cheating, NEWLYWED…… yeah, see what I mean?

She is a beautiful baby though.

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Message today at church: Sexual PURITY

Where is that laughing out loud, hysterically, tears running down the face emoji? You all know what I mean!

I’m going to blog about that this week, it will be here, in my “assigned spot” soon. But, for now… I want to say something about HB = Hysterical Bonding…

 

What. The Hell. !!

The best sex, we are talking uninhibited sex, and you ALL know what I’m saying because I’ve read your blogs! This is gross, exciting and insane stuff!

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

The most telling dream…

but what’s the answer?

 

Friends, what do you think of this?

 

I had the strangest dream early this morning. Often I wake a 3 am, in dreaded anticipation of that 4:15 alarm that goes off, reminding me I have a scheduled date with my daughters, boot camp. When I wake at that time and allow myself to drift off to light sleep, often I have strange dreams. I thought I’d share this one because I find it quite telling.

My husband and I were standing atop a bridge and beneath us was a river, a river that we were to jump into and swim downstream to get to wherever we were going. We had been discussing how we were going to do this, as usual, I came into this dream smack in the middle of whatever was happening.

He stood to the right of me, took off his socks and shoes and jumped. I knew I had to go; suddenly my oldest daughter was standing to the left of me, I said something about needing to go. I picked up a shovel to my right that we needed for some reason and tossed it into the river. The water was clear, and I could see the shovel landed straight up. Worrying about other people getting hurt on that shovel, I quickly jumped in so that I could retrieve it.

Before I jumped, I said something to her about moving fast; we need to get going, I was terribly concerned, no, terrified of someone hurting themselves, and it would be my fault.

I jumped.

I landed in water that was ankle deep now, and I was not the least, hurt. As dreams often change, the water was now to my chest, and cold. I had to put my head under in order to retrieve the shovel, and I did so. When I came back up for air, with the shovel in hand, I opened my eyes after taking a breath of air, only to have a bridge before me and several behind; my daughter was no longer my daughter, but now my sister. I yelled to my sister to jump; she could not hear me because my voice was worn and gravely.

When I looked to my right, there was a man and his family ( his family was NOT with him, but I knew he was with family ) H was in a canoe, headed toward me. He appeared to be busily looking for something, nervously searching. He had one of those wide-brimmed, straw hats on his head, and he moved as if concerned almost fearing what he was searching for would not be there. Calling again to my sister who was no longer there, I turned to look behind me, and it appeared the same as what was before me.

What?

Now, both directions had a bridge every 50 feet or so, and there were suddenly several boats drifting on the water.

Where was my husband?

I began to panic.. ( In real life I have an awful fear of being lost, not just out in the woods lost)

In my dream, I said to myself: “go figure, even in my dream my H tries to put distance between us so that he can find time to text or call)

I stood in that river looking North, looking South and could not remember which way I was supposed to begin walking in that cold water.

I decided to myself ” even though this is just a dream, it’s a sign. I’m going to …..

The backup alarm went off.

 

 

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

And there it is:

Betrayed

Misled

Broken

Former

Let down

Abandoned

Let down

Deceived

Forsaken

 

 

Dear Betrayed, Misled, Broken, Let Down, Abandoned, Deceived, and Forsaken Spouse, Significant Other, Better Half,

 

You know those times when you’re  re-thinking, for the zillionth time an incident that your Wayward, Delinquent, Uncompliant, Headstrong, Incorrigible, Immoral, Self-Indulgent, Fickle, Aberrant …. Uh  other half  has said, or done to murder your self-respect , and you become enraged?!

 

This is where I’ve been these past few days.

 

I’ve been re-thinking my last text session to OW2 and her Newly Married H. I will find the link for those posts, tomorrow, for now, I want to put this before you to see what your thoughts are.

 

You see, during the time I was “harassing” her and the man to whom she is newly  married, I always would leave the impression she was banging my Boyfriend, never Husband. The why’s will be explained in my links, but mostly because she/they ( Her newly married H) live in their home near us Full-Time. Until we retire, we live in the home close to theirs, very part-time. So because that home is empty, I fear to give too much info. What an Effed up situation, Thank you dumb, horny ass, can’t control himself Husband.

 

So, because I refer to myself as a Girl Friend, I figure even though she will know, her H will not, hopefully.

 

Whats the point, Newlease, you ask.  Well…. When she wrote that last text, the one she called me a crazy, but poor woman who allows her HUSBAND—yes, HUSBAND,  read the words HUSBAND,  to treat me, the poor, crazy, possibly drug addicted (her words) woman. like shit. Have some self-worth, she said. Your Husband doesn’t love you, you’re a joke.

I ask you, I ask me, why did she use the word HUSBAND,?

 

Many Times?

 

Because she is banging my husband. Because she didn’t think..

This ^^^^^^This right here is the very crappy proof I get but isn’t good enough to be used as proof.

 

There.It.Is.

We had our ring fingers tattooed for our 20th Anniversary. Long story why that is a big deal for him, I’ll tell you eventually. I would wear the original one he gave me over that tattoo, meant for just us.

I took that original, gold diamond ring off and have yet to put it back on.  He hasn’t noticed.

This time, I don’t care.

Tell me Betrayed Spouses, what do you think?