Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

A couple things you outta know

  1.  I do NOT sulk around the house or him, he has no idea I write. As far as he is concerned he knows that I know he cheated even though he continues to deny. He knows I’ve called, texted, emailed every single one of the suspects of his object of desire. We’ve not spoken of any of the attempts to contact “them”, but he know’s I’m crazy ass pissed, he is frightened. So that makes him nervous, this crazy ass wife. I’m a nice Christian girl, if I say “shit” , it knocks him off his feet.

That’s all changed, thanks to him.

2.  I’m not stuffy, if you swear, drink or whatever I don’t care, it’s just that I would rather not drink, small impressionable girls and all.

 

The girls are older now.

 

There was a time when I could honestly say I don’t drink. It wasn’t because I didn’t approve but because alcohol made me tired, hell, exhausted. A few sips of red wine and I was yawning the night away. Until….. I discovered tequila. Yum and, wow.

So now, it’s who I am… unfortunately I’ve become a drunk. I come home from work, wait a proper amount of time, pour a shot, I then make a margarita and indulge. I’ve gone from drinking once every year or so to nightly.

This would be the reason for my long, humiliating posts.  Where, like a high-schooler trying to impress the upperclassman, I eff bomb every other word to my H objects of lust and affection.

When the sun rises the next day, I slink to my laptop to see what embarrassing post I’ve made. Sometimes I leave it, most times I delete.

I once belonged to a forum years ago that had a rule, posted at the top of the forum: ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING AND POSTING. A half-joking rule was written for a man by the pen name: “Standingnow”  He would write long rambling responses, mostly with the hope of trigger a bar fight, AKA as trolls.

 

So now, I think I might need to adhere to the rule No drinking and posting. Because, for now, I’m not giving up the booze. I made it booze free for 53 years, why not give myself a year … or so.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

I will never get over reading

I will never get over the introductory statements from the newbies. it’s downright dreadful, seriously and painfully, depressing.

It makes me sad, desperate, is there a deeper word (?) for the newbies who join or club of the BS (Betrayed Spouse) Is there anything else to say?

Read the introductions, nearly all, most, begin with ” I never thought….” I would be writing”,” saying”,” confessing”, …. that my spouse cheated.

There is such a big part of me that want’s to grab the cheaters by the scruff of their neck ( okay, privates) and bring them to read the words of the betrayed.

But, here is reality:

They, the BSers don’t give a flying ….

 

Click here for the site that has saved my sanity

 

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Here.Now.Why.

 

The pain that oozes from the members

Of the website, is beyond what words can describe. Seriously, I’m not trying to pepper the words for drama; I’m not going for the dramatic effect, it is out and out painful to read the words of the B, S. (betrayed spouse) for those of you who have no idea of the lingo.

Nearly 100% of these posters, maybe— maybe 95% use words like “shocked” “never would have believed” “We were considered the best couple” Blah freaking Blah. And, it’s sad.

I knew the statistics, I’ve read all of the “expert” articles, but never would I have thought that infidelity is so darn prevalent.

Hello- Here.Am. I.

 

Anyone read the book “The Silent Wife” by Kerry Fisher? Here is my secret: I am Laura, I can relate, I think I’m her, in the book.

I’ve not finished the books, so no spoilers.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

The reason why posts are “emptied”

I can’t think of a better word, I’m sorry.

There are posts, with titles, however, after a day or two, I decide to delete them, why?

Well, because I go back to read the post, I make only to read the responses. The responses I received, most loving and kind, sincere and filled with concern; I so very much appreciate your responses to me.  We are family indeed, yes?

Family…honest and heartfelt. True and sincere. Like a sister who would tell you to pull your head from your @zz. And I consider that true love.

So, when I receive assertive remarks to my post, I will re-read, see that I sound as if I am a whiney, leftover scorned lover. Or, like a crazed, out of control, again, scorned lover. So I decided to delete my post.

 

You all mean well, every single person. Those who have the “balls” to say your name and “speak” the truth, I’m willing to hear. Even those who send me those “anonymous” emails and have your followers — lack of a better word. As I said and deleted earlier, to bully me and anyone else in my shoes, most know what I mean.

Of course, it hurts. I may be 53, it still hurts, your words. I understand I’ve been there as well. “You” (bullies) are looking for anyone and anything to blame, other than the CHEATER- the husband .

I know, I blame my H too, and I also blame the desperate, thirsty, skank of the other woman as well. I will FOREVER blame the OW, thirsty whores.

I have NEVER been as desperate as the skanks who chased my husband down. I’ve NEVER dated a man that I knew was committed, be it married, engaged or dating. NEVER.

I’ve NEVER- I mean EVER— as in NEVER——- pretended to be the friend of a woman so that I could bed her man. NEVER.

Men- you are NOT animals, you can say NO- the ability to turn and run.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Happy Anniversary

I just wanted to say Happy Anniversary, to me, and my H. We’ve been together 27 years, married, 25.

I was pregnant when we were married, it is still shameful, even though it’s not a hidden thing anymore. Still, I was embarrassed, if not humiliated. I wanted to have a “run away to Reno wedding”, my mother would have none of it, she wanted me to have a wedding ceremony that she felt I deserved.

Sweet, don’t you think?

His family was all: “tsk tsk” even though the pregnancy was his fault.  I could NOT use the pill, tried the diaphragm, that wasn’t going too well.’; so his job was, uh, his job was to ensure that, uh- he left the game before it ended.  But. not, of course, that didn’t’ work. So, I got “knocked up”

I “tried to trap him” as far as his Irish Catholic Mother, was concerned. (BTW, Irish Catholic Mama had a brother that was an Irish Catholic Preist) that is a huge “in” these days.

So, Mama and sisters (his sisters) were so sure that he was such a catch, I tried to trap him.  (Just where is that LOL, laughing hysterically emoji?)

Long story short, Three months after marriage, we lost our one and only son. He was perfect looking. I was eight, months pregnant, he came early. He also entered this world, dead. Not breathing.

We talked about this for the first time since 1993. After that date, June 16, 1993, we buried him and hardly spoke of it again. But for telling our next two daughters about him..

That is what we did last night, spoke of the time when we birthed and buried our one and only son.