Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

I am NOT a whiner, am I?

I received an email from somebody calling me a whiner. WTF, I AM NOT a whiner, am I? It is NOT meant to be the meaning of my posts. I am just trying to be real, honest, pure, natural, real, in my post. If you think my posts are me, being a whiner, try climbing into my thoughts.

Let me tell you, “anonymous” emailer, I am the strongest person, physically and mentally you will ever meet. So…. So,…… uh, eff you! Yeah, eff you. ( Says this Christian woman. LOL)

You see, “anonymous” emailer, I’ve been through much more than any person reading this would ever imagine. EVER.

I, yes, me, am physically and emotionally beaten. You see, “anonymous” emailer, I began my life with migraines, physically suffering at a time in life when the physical illness was blamed on upbringing, AKA ” Your daughter is a middle child, she is searching for attention.” Imagine, three or four years of age and suffering migraines. Only later to learn that there be a PHYSICAL explanation for having migraines at an age of four, okay even three years of age.

So, because of this physical ailment, suffering such indescribable pain, not only for that age but for the present age, being passed off as attention seeking,  this chickie has grown emotionally, physically strong. Stronger than any reader or friend, family member, could ever imagine being; this author, has, unfortunately, grown so used to physical and emotional pain, that she has no idea, NONE… again, NO IDEA…. when real pain is in existence.

So, “anonymous” writer, emailer, before you go calling names and judging, either move on to another blog, one in which you will identify or understand, THINK,  Think before name calling, judging, or blaming. If, that is if, you truly were some sort of psychology major, you would know better, you would know behind every Betrayed Spouse, or Wayward Spouse, there is more than just attention seeking posters.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Here it is, and here am I, looking as if I am crazy, but truly, I am NOT. My H and his lover(s) have, as usual, made it look as if the one who is being cheated on, the “innocent” to be the crazy one, isn’t it so typical?

I have read the stories and watched the “stories” as well, the innocent, they always come across as crazy and off the mark.

Later, maybe years later the innocent, the BS, or the “victim” is finally shown to be true, right, correct. Suddenly then, many want to stand up, get in the game and say that they too, were a part victim.

 

Eff you, victim(s).

 

I just re-read the text back to me, the “poor, low self-esteemed woman” whose H treated her like sh*t. LOL. The woman whose H abused her so. The OW who happened to be able to convince her friends and family that a crazy woman was accusing her of dreadful things. The text I received made me sick. Very Ill.

As she claimed her innocence, I understood that I should NOT have texted she or her BS. But it was not about convincing her spouse what she was up to. It was NOT about bullying her or begging her to “leave my man alone”. No. It was and IS about letting everyone involved that I KNOW. I KNOW what they are doing.

I fear to look or appear, whatever the grammatically correct saying be,  dumb/naive or TRUSTING, to people that do NOT deserve the trust of this young/old woman.

 

I KNOW. I KNOW every time you have an excuse to disappear from my presence, you are leaving to pick up or send off a text.

 

WHY- WHY – WHY- many texts ask…. WHY are you sticking around with this person.

 

Many reasons.  One being:

 

I have no effing idea why. I want concrete proof. so that I can feel rewarded.  “See I told you” reward.

 

And

$$$$$$$$$$$   The longer together the more $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

 

And

I am weak, ball-less.

 

And

 

I have no effing Idea.

 

However, in the long run. You both know I know. I want you to be very sure that I know, I am not a dumb ass.  I know- I know- I know.

And, OUR, yes you, me and she, them, her, them and she…… creator, KNOWS. HE is very aware.

 

Enjoy that afterlife.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

And here we go

For the time that I’ve been gaslighted regarding My “crazy thought” and My H having an affair, every single piece of  ahh Ha! evidence I come across can always have a possible explanation. Even though everyone involved is aware this could be “it”. Not this time.

Last night H needed to find a family member on FB to get information for a death, in need of memorial information. He made a big stink about having no idea how to find her and asked me to explain how to search. Unbeknownst to him, this is a red flag for me, it’s really him asking if I know how, he knows but is concerned whether or not I do.

 

After he went off to  bed  I checked his searches in FB and there it was. Lover name, not once but four times Thursday and Five times Friday, searched. The dumb ass didn’t even try spelling her name differently, he just kept typing her name.

He was asleep and I was blown away, finally, the evidence. We officially don’t even know these people, so it’s not as if he was searching for a mutual friend.

 

I took a screenshot, tried to write out a text to her for about an hour and then just went ahead, wrote an extremely long and rambling text to her. I didn’t use my real number, of course, I sent from a spoofed number. I am a coward, no balls, remember?

Well, that is exactly what I got back in text from both her and her husband. They wrote how they felt sorry for me, they thought I was on drugs but realized I needed help. They felt bad that I was some poor woman with no self-esteem and should seek counsel to get out of such a terrible relationship.  Each sending their text separately.

 

She told me that I should get out of my shitty relationship with a man who apparently had no respect for me, that surely I would believe I deserve4 better. She wrote her address told me that even tho she has no idea who I am, she would be willing to help me and that If I sent her my H phone number she would be willing to speak with him as well.

 

Whats that saying , Fuck my life?  Wow, takes my H lover, who is lying about being his lover to wake me to realize I have a poor self-esteem and in a shitty relationship.

 

I slept on the couch last night. I have not spoken to H he left for work early this morning. Surely H knows by now. I am not sure when or how, but I’ve got to do something. It’s going to be a challenge to figure out how to work. Beleive it or not, I have to stay through tomorrow for a stupid ass baby shower. Very long story why I can’t miss. I will say it has a lot to do with the fact I have no balls or courage in that area as well.

Thinking to go to work Monday to collect all the work I can, get the banking done. I will also need to fill some prescriptions. I’m fairly sure I will go to the vacation home to work from there; yes the home his GF and New husband live directly behind (ours).

I don’t know what I expected, it surely wasn’t sarcastic sympathy and disgust. I have no idea who the hell I am.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Friends, and not so friends,

I truly do appreciate the words of wisdom and encouraging e-mails, even the harshly written ones that accuse me of wallowing in pity and taking away any blame for the H. Oh, trust me, I’ve taken away no blame what-so-ever. I know.

I’m just enjoying myself, blowing off a little steam. That’s all.

Give it time, you’ll see.

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Dearest Dear,

Dearest H,

What wonderful news I have (for me) what wonderful news.

As I watch you pull inward I believe I know what you are thinking about, of course, I cannot be entirely sure… however, I can speculate. It seems a bit suspect that it happens at the same time that I confront one of those W that I think might somewhat belong WITH you. ( Notice not to)

 

I don’t really know the purpose of your affair, makes no sense to me. Mostly because she was not yet married for two of the years that  I know of, that you were together. Why not leave me and move on?

To boot: Not only do the two of you go like mad leading up to her marriage, but after, she waits (tries?) to hold off for a month, or so, after getting married. Only to pick it right back up. AGAIN.

I don’t get it.

Affairs.

Emotional Affairs.

Physical Affairs.

Any kind of Affair(s)

 

When I finally got her on the phone, Live, at least, she asked me to call back in 45 min. When I called back in “45 min”, she asked for another 45.  tick tock I, stunned , responded if  she knew who I was, she replied “no, that is why I would love to talk” gave me a phone number and again, she stated she had NO idea who I was. She giggled , at least from what I remember she giggled, she then said that she was  looking forward to finding out who you ( the W Husband in question are.)

Ha

I’ve not called back, no way will I hand (back) over any type of control. Next, she will ask me to come to HER home, sit on HER sofa so that we can talk about this weird accusation that SHE/HER/SHE  IS having an affair with MY old, wanna be (young) big thing  (shh) Husband.

BTW, readers, I KNOW SHE  They IS  are were once HAVING AN A WITH MY H. Yes indeed.

Shhhhhh, Be clear, This is NOT a squeeze out, hold feet to fire kind of post.

 

I DO NOT, think I am blackmailing, bribing, insisting……

 

He might feel a little irritated about this, sad, distasteful, statement.

BUT, the end game:

Who.The.Eff.Cares?

 

 

 

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

Just thinking, what if

I want to be clear that I am not trying to threaten, I  wish no harm. In addition, I mean what  I say. I just want answers and there are two who can give answers. One refuses, the other is her, the OW .

The last thing I want to do is to contact your Dear Husband. I’m sure he loves you very much and would be devasted to know what you have been and are continuing to do. I’m ashamed of my husband not only for ruining his own marriage but potentially destroying the marriage of another. I am sick that in his selfishness he has trampled the heart of another man, one that he does not even know. His wife? Pfft, he surely will have a reason. 

Cross in heart2

When a person, male or female want to have an affair, they will have an affair. I am in great shape, you would never guess my age, and I am a kind and loving woman. I am not saying that NOT being any of these things would be a reason for an affair, I am saying this because I try, I work hard to stay healthy, and somewhat decent looking for myself and my husband. I want for him to be proud of me, happy that he chose me.

 I think People that “wander” outside their marriage tend to be on the selfish side, so I suppose this should not come as a surprise ( His decision to Affair). However, to ruin another marriage honestly shocks me. In other words, chasing after a busty, hot looking, younger, and single chic? So classic, …. just so classic. A live-in with lover, now, newly married woman, 40 pounds larger than I,  naturally BEAUTIFUL,  woman…. MARRIED, woman, MARRIED younger woman, MARRIED, taken woman???!!!  I am saddened.

My husband is a Christian, has he shared this fact with her? He also is a “Promise Keeper” (Look it up). As a “Promise Keeper” he was to be in a place that would keep him accountable. He was to hang with a group of men that are stronger and more grounded than he. For a while, he did, and then slipped away. I watched as the group of men that he was “accountable” to let him go, mostly relieved I think.

My husband has a large, personality. Gigantic! Many find him annoying. Conversely many find him honest, genuinely, painfully honest. My thoughts are that these Christian men discovered their little support group quiet, and light, no real problems. Readers, have you figured my husband is a short man?! LOL , it’s true. 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

How much longer, I’m not sure but I know the time is near. How near?

Well, near enough to not be last year at this time, sleepless nights,  tired days. Searching drawers, closets, socks, and underwear. Looking for anything that will give a clue to exact times and when.

I’m not a coward, I DO have courage. I’m not a chicken, whimp and I’m not gutless. I am quite capable of confronting pain, angst, lies and whatever / whoever else needs confronting.

 

However

Even though I KNOW I am RIGHT. Even though I KNOW times, dates, places .. I am TERRIFIED there is that one teeny-weeny little chance I’ve got it wrong.

He Knows This.

They Know This

He has contributed to this.

They have contributed to this.

It’s called GASLIGHTING.

 

So I guess in a sense I have contributed to this.

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

I’m nearly sure it happened again,  I mean WTF, just WTF.

We arrived at our vacation home the day before. I sat at the table working, closing at the books for OUR business.  I knew it was coming because he is so predictable, “they” are so predictable.

I know, he knows, she knows and we all know that her place of work is in located in the same area, lot as the small town grocery market. It took me three years to figure it all out. I knew it was someone but honestly, I NEVER would have considered HER to be the OW. She lives directly behind our home. I went to SPOKEO, looked up every single person that lives behind us, saw her pic and thought “hell to the no” there is NO WAY, he would go for her.  You see, when I was able to GPS him (before he discovered my tricks) I saw him hanging out at her home for hours at a time, on the weekends he would need to go ahead or without me.

Anyway, I knew before we left this would happen. Three months ago, I would have insisted to go with him, this time I came to the realization, they would find a time somehow, somewhere.  So, I let him go.

When he walked out the door, I called her. I asked for her, and when I reached her desk she announced her name:

I just wanted to let you know that your boyfriend is on his way. He forgot his phone, will you please have him call me when he gets there? I need him to bring something else home/

Silence “I’m sorry?”  she asks.

Before I could repeat or respond, she hangs up.

I hang up, walk outside to smoke a cigarette and say or do nothing.

He is gone an hour. I get back to work.

He walks in, I’m on the phone with my receptionist walking her through a challenge she is having.

He has a bouquet of flowers and as I talk, he cuts stems, finds a vase and places them on the counter.

I stand up while saying good-bye and turning the phone off.

“How nice, thank you, I say”.

He responds:

“I went to see my gf at work, and picked these up for her” Looks at me sheepishly. “Just kidding, you’re my gf and you’re working.”

I knew he knew, he knew I know… and guess what? I’m sure they each got a chuckle.

What the two of them do not understand is that this ball-less chick has had her balls delivered. I’m playing cool, I’m back to playing naive. But, I’m playing.  Four more months… just four months. I can’t wait to share with you all where I am then, and wht I have.

 

 

 

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

My Name is Lori

My Name is Lori

I am a Whore(ie)

I love to fuck your man

Just because I can

I might be somewhat fat

Yet imagine that

He so loves it in my ass

(Does that sound crass?)

He will scream and yell

Oh, I love to tell.

Please don’t judge me

I’m just Lori

 

I like to take your man

Just because I can

I love it up my assLorie whorie use

Just imagine that

I love to hear him cum

We have so much fun

Yes, I’m newlywed

But I will still give head

To the husband that is not mine

I’ll do it anytime

Yet, I’ll keep my pride

Yes, I’m a new bride (but)

I can still  take your man

and will because I can.

I never had much luck

with high school fucks

so now I’m up in years

I’ll take yours, despite the tears

That I cause my groom

Just know, there is still more room

for the guy who married me

his wife, Lori

Who will take your man

Just because I can

 

Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

New Year – Same Lie

BU

Dear Readers,

Please tell me what you think of the following letters I plan to send within the next week or so. Read and give me, if you will, your thoughts.

 

Dear OW Two,

Enclosed you will find a letter that your newly, married husband will receive at the same time you receive this, if not a day or two later. I couldn’t decide how I wanted to expose the both of you to your husband news like this is NEVER easy to deliver. Also, we all know what happens to the messenger. Imagine hearing the person you trusted absolutely, is not only a cheater but a liar.

For people like you and the other cheater, it’s not easy to explain. Cheating/ failure to remain faithful is quite painful. Especially to the person who is remaining faithful to you, the cheater.

So that you understand about yourself and my H:
nar·cis·sism
ˈnärsəˌsizəm/Submit
noun
noun: narcissism
excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.
synonyms: vanity, self-love, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-obsession, conceit, self-centeredness, self-regard, egotism, egoism

I’ve given you several chances, via voice mail to quit screwing my H. I even had the opportunity to speak to you directly, only for you to hang up on me, walk out of your place of work and fuck my husband, all within 30-45 minutes. I’m not quite sure what he has that not only keeps you coming back, but causes you to risk a marriage with a man that apparently is pretty crazy about you.  Men such as he are so hard to come by, and here you’ve gone and ruined him.

It has occurred to me while writing this, perhaps you and your current, newly, married husband have an agreement, an open marriage, hell, if that is so….. shame on me. Just so you know, I DON’T have an open marriage and will never agree to one.

Both you and my husband, I hear, find it quite funny, the voicemails I’ve left for you. Apparently, you each are under the impression that I am full of B.S. I have no balls (physically true) I won’t follow through.  I told you in the very beginning I would blow this open if you continued AND if you continued lying to your husband. Now look what you’ve done, I have to be the one to tell him now.

You know why I’ve kept this secret for so long, you know all the people involved in both parties lives will be strained if not ruined. It is your fault and My Husbands fault. The OM can be kept a secret if you desire, it’s up to you. However, it very well could be revealed when it’s discovered a couple is divorcing.

Carry on with your work, Dear Girl, carry on.  I’m sure I will know you’ve read this letter because my H will be busting through the door shortly after.

Happy New Year

 

Dear Betrayed H,

It with fear and sadness that I write this letter to you, your wife should have received her own at her place of business.  She has a copy of what I am sending you, although I greatly debated whether or not it was a good idea to do so, in fact, I was encouraged NOT to send her a letter because it would give her time to come up with more excuses and lies.

 

There really is no other way to deliver this than to just come out and say that your wife and my H are having an affair. I thought it ended some time ago so I kept the news back, I didn’t want to ruin a new marriage. However, when I kept receiving texts from an unknown/anonymous sender, I decided I should probably be more aware.

I had my H followed and watched (He travels extensively) and sure enough. I am guessing the reason it was able to get by me for so long because of the traveling. Unfortunately, about the time you and your wife married, their texting picked up, daily, hourly, every few minutes. My H has another phone that I still can’t find, but I know it exists. I’ve heard it and seen it on Network, but there is no assigned name for it.  Anyway, this news came as shocking and heartbreaking to me, when it picked back up again.

I am trying to stop it (for your sake) before it grows as strong as it was the middle of 2017. From roughly May – August , I believe they were non stop in touch. My H quit traveling so much, but now it is picking back up again.

As for me, I will more than likely be leaving our 30- year marriage, torn apart by self-centeredness and greed, I would suppose.

I remain anonymous because truthfully, I detest confrontation, and fear the results of your broken heart. I don’t enjoy this one bit and held off to pass the holidays. As I shared with your wife, it could be possible that you have an open marriage and if you do, shame on me.

I left your wife several voicemails at her place of work, encouraging her to confess to you because I believe with confession comes the hope of forgiveness.

 

I am sorry to deliver this news to you. I’ve come to a place that I’ve grown tired and quite ill watching these two cheaters get away with having great spouses while being horrible mates.

I wish you all the luck and strength needed to carry on through this painful news. Unfortunately, it takes a while to get over the shock and your emotions will range from denial, rage, depressed, to denial again. They will loop themselves over and over again. Don’t be like me and believe the excuses and lies, remember this: “Cheaters Lie”.

This is not because of you and she might try to tell you it is your fault. Do Not believe this lie either.  I’ve found this website helpful, they have a wonderful group of people that are sincere and will help you if you allow. Or, you can just come to read.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com