Who?!

That was his answer, and I knew it would be his answer when I mentioned *her*. She is one of the “hers” I believe were once in is life at one point in time. (Year and a half ago)  He has denied, of course,  as most WS (Wayward Spouse) would, when confronting over this past year. He had denied any involvement with anyone when I had questions or situations that caused me to speculate. (Nice way of saying, hey cheater! Busted!)

Each time he denied he would give your classic answer given by “The Wanderer” (Don’t these people know there are oodles of blogs that give you helpful hints, how to know when your spouse is cheating, how to catch a cheating spouse ?!  Really, you people outta quit chasing tail and start reading the internet a little, know what I mean?   )  Anyway, each time he gave his classic answer, I would envision: ” I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky” said in a certain presidential accent. And,  each time I wanted to shout: “But you are lying! Cheater, cheater, liar!” in my schoolyard voice.  Gosh, this makes me daydream about what is was like in the White House, in those days.

Being the passive-aggressive, people-pleaser that I am, I only straight out confronted a couple of times. That was with each “woman”. For the rest of the 18++ months, I would make jabs, drop hints, give innuendos and the whole she-bang.  In addition to being a passive-aggressive, people pleaser, I am also an indecisive doubter. That means, I can never decide (ask again, insist, ask her, beat him, beat her?) and doubt myself ( did I hear that correctly? Is it weird that he suddenly likes blah blah type of music? Are these my panties?) Okay, the panties thing didn’t happen, but I’m pretty sure that if it did happen, I’d be asking myself that question. Even if they were two sizes bigger than my size.  Okay, it did happen, BUT….. to my defense, we have two daughters of college aged, and they bring their friends up to our cabin all the time.

So, for these past 18++ months, I have been living in off and on misery. I have filled several journals, had written mind you. I mean seveal. I have joined groups on-line that are extremely supportive and I have gone over and over in my head details I may have missed. Boy, have I some stories for you!  Mostly, I have prayed, bargained, begged God, to please, give my spouse courage to be honest, come forward because I, me, me, me, me, I need healing. I need to adress this with him admitting so I can have my say. The problem with liars is they are so busy covering their butt because they are chicken ass, they don’t give room to the victim  to be able to respond.

This is what I’m going to be writing about. I’ve changed my tune and learned some very intense and painful lessons along the way.

xoxo