For the time that I’ve been gaslighted regarding My “crazy thought” and My H having an affair, every single piece of ahh Ha! evidence I come across can always have a possible explanation. Even though everyone involved is aware this could be “it”. Not this time.
Last night H needed to find a family member on FB to get information for a death, in need of memorial information. He made a big stink about having no idea how to find her and asked me to explain how to search. Unbeknownst to him, this is a red flag for me, it’s really him asking if I know how, he knows but is concerned whether or not I do.
After he went off to bed I checked his searches in FB and there it was. Lover name, not once but four times Thursday and Five times Friday, searched. The dumb ass didn’t even try spelling her name differently, he just kept typing her name.
He was asleep and I was blown away, finally, the evidence. We officially don’t even know these people, so it’s not as if he was searching for a mutual friend.
I took a screenshot, tried to write out a text to her for about an hour and then just went ahead, wrote an extremely long and rambling text to her. I didn’t use my real number, of course, I sent from a spoofed number. I am a coward, no balls, remember?
Well, that is exactly what I got back in text from both her and her husband. They wrote how they felt sorry for me, they thought I was on drugs but realized I needed help. They felt bad that I was some poor woman with no self-esteem and should seek counsel to get out of such a terrible relationship. Each sending their text separately.
She told me that I should get out of my shitty relationship with a man who apparently had no respect for me, that surely I would believe I deserve4 better. She wrote her address told me that even tho she has no idea who I am, she would be willing to help me and that If I sent her my H phone number she would be willing to speak with him as well.
Whats that saying , Fuck my life? Wow, takes my H lover, who is lying about being his lover to wake me to realize I have a poor self-esteem and in a shitty relationship.
I slept on the couch last night. I have not spoken to H he left for work early this morning. Surely H knows by now. I am not sure when or how, but I’ve got to do something. It’s going to be a challenge to figure out how to work. Beleive it or not, I have to stay through tomorrow for a stupid ass baby shower. Very long story why I can’t miss. I will say it has a lot to do with the fact I have no balls or courage in that area as well.
Thinking to go to work Monday to collect all the work I can, get the banking done. I will also need to fill some prescriptions. I’m fairly sure I will go to the vacation home to work from there; yes the home his GF and New husband live directly behind (ours).
I don’t know what I expected, it surely wasn’t sarcastic sympathy and disgust. I have no idea who the hell I am.
This, That, and Maybe More 
If he knows her, how come he needs to look her up on Facebook repeatedly? I am sure your husband is cheating, but why are you bugging her? She has nothing to do with you needing to leave this man. He is a monster, ignore her and the dumb husband. Work on taking care of you. This is gaslighting 101, she has to keep pretending to be an incredible amazing unfortunate bystander because husband obviously doesn’t know. All you’re going to do is make her look like a martyr. Just stop bogging them down and start focusing on leaving! Make you safe. That’s all that matters.
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Right you are. Here is the reason I bug both her and my supposed H….. I can’t stand that they THINK I am dumb , that they are able to sneak around without me knowing. When in fact, I look even more weak, like some poor, helpless loser. And, He is looking her up because they can’t be freinds so her posts would not show on his page. And,,, the “search” function on FB is the only way (that I know of) to go to someone elses page to see what they are up to. I don’t know why, maybe he wants to see what she is posting to her other world she lives in. Go figure.
Sending that text was a HUGE mistake, I knew I shouldn’t but was so enraged. Annnnnnnnd I write her because I know she will tell my H and that way He, also, will know that I am “closer” than they think I am.
It all made perfect sense at the time LMAO
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You need to go dark and let them think you have up. Get your ducks in a row. Go to all the good lawyers for consults, so he can’t. Stop thinking about her. She didn’t ruin your life; your life is just starting and now you will have a world without a malignant cheater. You have to stop engaging. This is just feeding his ego. He’s loving the drama. He is loving that
You’re all out crazy right now. You’re probably walking into his trap: he’s having quiet conversations with family and friends about you being unstable and weird, suspicious and neurotic and maybe a bit mentally ill and drinking and he’s just this loving guy that wants everyone to be happy. He wants you to be “ok” because he loves you… and the more crazy you seem the more people will NOT give a shit about proof, they are gonna block you like the dirt they rub off their shoes. Collect your proof, documents of your collective finances, and stop talking about this. Be the adorable submissive housewife and let him think you are subdued. He will probably love bomb you a bunch and you will wonder if you really were imagining it, but he will probably find another schmoopie to fill the time he’s not spending juggling you being crazy. Document more. Watch him spend your money on her and beach vacations. Put a small tracker for digital devices in his car somewhere he won’t think to look (under back seat) and log his whereabouts. Then ensure when you file you get compensated for the marital assets funding his affair. But STOP ACTING CRAZY. Seriously. It will just make it easier for him to discard you and keep most of your social world.
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Thank you. Will have to put the intense desire to prove myself to rest. I hate appearing weak and dumb.
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If it gets too boring you could always throw an additional text to her one day from the bathroom when you are keeping him busy, saying you’re sorry that he has started sending his attention elsewhere. Insinuate that she’s been discarded and that will start up her crazy train all over
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