Good morning, all.
The hows are hard to explain, it started with those gut feelings and then really, I opened my eyes. Sorry, Dear H, I’ve been raising those kids of OURS, taking them to youth groups, soccer practices, away soccer games. You know, all the crap you missed because I would encourage you to go away to do all those things you love, fishing, scuba diving, working out. I would encourage you because you were so uptight, stressed, and well, YOU MADE US MISERABLE.
So yes, I benefited from you being gone. It was a win win.
My H WAS a big drinker as time grew on, and I was done with him closing his ears and mind to my protests. So, I started praying. I prayed God would do ANYTHING to wake ,my H to what he was doing, ticket, accident, lose money, affair. Yes, I said affair, you know why? I didn’t think he would.
At that time, I believed my H truly loved me, and struggled with alcohol. I believed that if my H had an affair, it would have been a drunk, very drunk incident. I believed he would come crawling back to me. I believed he WOULD NEVER CHEAT.
There, I said it. I suck.
This, That, and Maybe More 
I don’t know how to find you or email. Thank you for your writings and posts.
I so very much want to let this go. Thought last week I would stop the search, stop hoping and wait for love and go to the only person who would never disappoint, our Lord. Then, the message was about just that, finding your love in our God.
But, here I am again, searching for answers. What does it matter?
I think H knows if he doesn’t give me what I need and in fact, I find it…… the answers…… I’m out. No more, goodbye, you had your chance.
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I’m just so very sorry! I’m answering you with my new email I set up yesterday. I should be able to answer if you write me. I can’t get on my old one. Hopefully my husband won’t find this one.
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