Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

A couple things you outta know

  1.  I do NOT sulk around the house or him, he has no idea I write. As far as he is concerned he knows that I know he cheated even though he continues to deny. He knows I’ve called, texted, emailed every single one of the suspects of his object of desire. We’ve not spoken of any of the attempts to contact “them”, but he know’s I’m crazy ass pissed, he is frightened. So that makes him nervous, this crazy ass wife. I’m a nice Christian girl, if I say “shit” , it knocks him off his feet.

That’s all changed, thanks to him.

2.  I’m not stuffy, if you swear, drink or whatever I don’t care, it’s just that I would rather not drink, small impressionable girls and all.

 

The girls are older now.

 

There was a time when I could honestly say I don’t drink. It wasn’t because I didn’t approve but because alcohol made me tired, hell, exhausted. A few sips of red wine and I was yawning the night away. Until….. I discovered tequila. Yum and, wow.

So now, it’s who I am… unfortunately I’ve become a drunk. I come home from work, wait a proper amount of time, pour a shot, I then make a margarita and indulge. I’ve gone from drinking once every year or so to nightly.

This would be the reason for my long, humiliating posts.  Where, like a high-schooler trying to impress the upperclassman, I eff bomb every other word to my H objects of lust and affection.

When the sun rises the next day, I slink to my laptop to see what embarrassing post I’ve made. Sometimes I leave it, most times I delete.

I once belonged to a forum years ago that had a rule, posted at the top of the forum: ABSOLUTELY NO DRINKING AND POSTING. A half-joking rule was written for a man by the pen name: “Standingnow”  He would write long rambling responses, mostly with the hope of trigger a bar fight, AKA as trolls.

 

So now, I think I might need to adhere to the rule No drinking and posting. Because, for now, I’m not giving up the booze. I made it booze free for 53 years, why not give myself a year … or so.

3 thoughts on “A couple things you outta know”

  1. Sweetness. You don’t have to give it up, if you also maybe… start exploring why you have to drink to actually say the things you think. Again- I think you should just turn the blog private and password protect them just for you. So later, you can examine. Think and Heal.

    Liked by 2 people

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