Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

As I continued on

pretending not to know what was going on in your life, I would scour the internet, looking for the magic cure  “how to  love  your spouse.”
broken heart

I read and re-read my journals and notes, looking for more information that I might have missed. I would search our conversations of when you returned from a weekend away, remember the times you said “we” instead of “I,” when telling me stories. “We went into town for a beer” or “We had dinner at” such and such. I would ask who is “we” and you would respond either that I misheard, you misspoke, or the one I fell for: You and the dog who quite literally goes everywhere with you. Eventually, you brought that phrase into all random conversations.

I’m not sure of the time reference when it comes to this specific event, but I’m pretty sure it was before “The Mothers Day” weekend. Again you were there to burn brush I sent a quick text asking how you were doing. It should have struck me as odd because, in the past, you would constantly hound me with texts, pictures, and phone calls, to keep me up-dated.

Suddenly, a picture of you came through, no words, just a picture of you tossing tree limbs into the fire. I sat staring at the picture, waiting for an explanation, “the neighbor took this” or “look who dropped by,” Something, anything. NOTHING.
I didn’t respond and continued to wait. NOTHING. My mind raced, my heart beat- fast and hard. “This is it!” I thought he will come to me on bended knee, declaring his everlasting, undying love for me.

NOTHING.   facedown-waitingI got the same type of picture again the next day of you standing in front of a creek. Very blurry, cut off at the knees and I knew that one was taken by a timer. You came home later that Sunday afternoon and asked why I never responded to your pictures. You went on to explain that you accidently found the timer option on the camera and began to take pictures of yourself. Laughing, you told me that you thought to yourself: “She is going to think someone is here with me.”

“You’re right,” I said. ” I did think you had someone there with you.” I sighed in relief but knew in the back of my mind it wasn’t the truth. I couldn’t imagine him purposely sending me a picture of himself, why would he do that, unless he was too chicken to tell me and wanted to be found out. It never dawned on me that “she” might have pretended to accidently send it to me if she was sending it to herself, having only his camera phone to use at the time. In fact, it makes the most sense; my text came through at the same time she was taking pictures.  I’ve done that before, been texting someone, a text comes through and then I accidently send it to another person. In hindsight, that’s what happened.

So, here is something you do not know, Dear H. I had a plan and was determined to find out if you were willing to bring someone else into my home. The next time I came to our vacation home with you, when making the beds all guest rooms and master, I put the sheets on inside out. I  have never known you to wash the sheets.

Do you see where this might be going?

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