All my life, up until my late 40’s, all I ever wanted to be was a mom. I prayed, begged, insisted, to be a mom. I am oh-so-fricken glad that I got that desire. Honestly, since I could remember it is all I ever wanted.
From the time my darlings were conceived until now, quite recently, I gladly gave everything up so that I could be a stay at home mom. Would I do it again? Would I repeat every step I’ve taken? Hell, effing ya!
I laugh when I share how I loved to grocery shop because it’s the only time I could spend money (without guilt). Would I do it again? Hell, effing ya!
I loved every single day of being home with my girls. I cherished every moment, lonely moment of the day; feeling stressed, depressed, And alone. Why? I was bound to my place of residence, raising the girls. It’s all I ever wanted, my dream, it came true. Would I do it again? Hell, effing ya!
I NEVER felt gypped, underappreciated or lesser than the working moms in my community, who “made money, or helped contribute, to the household income.”
Bull shit, Yes, Bull shit, I say.
I contributed to the household. I helped save money, and I refused to shell out money to daycare, babysitters, or even the new word (in my town) “nanny.” So, I did help to run the household. I kept from spending money.
When my first started Kindergarten, I would stand in the “mom circle” and listen to the mommy’s talk about how they “could never be just a mom, stay home and do nothing all day, watching the kids”. WTF? Just do nothing all day? Are you fricken serious? Who does NOTHING, when watching kids? SMH
I would never change my past, never. In fact, I would do this all over again. Just so that I could spend days reading, cooking Mac n Cheese, visiting libraries, traveling to see gma, (Even Mother-in-law gma) and all that other “crap”, that the “lazy, do nothing mom’s” do, when we stay at home with our children. OUR CHILDREN. I would do it again. Hell, effing ya!
I would lose my H, for this very reason.
Every.single.moment.
Hell, effing ya!
What triggered this post, you might ask? Why kids, why now?
Some would say that I lost myself. I lost myself in raising children. While my poor H worked his azz off, I let myself go. ]
Never.
I always made sure to look my best, be my best, present my best for when H returned home, after a hard days work. I’m proud of that. I did, I tried.
He… HE… HE IS the one who decided to take the path he took. I am clean, I am good, it is I who followed the “script”.
Did I?
No, I detested him long before he cheated and wandered. I detested him long before he made the choices he made.
He tried, he was crazy about me, it is I who thought he should change. It is I who thought he should be someone he could/would never be. Does it excuse his choices? Well, of course… Hell effing NO!
There is this point that a WS comes to where he/she truly believes they have been gypped, cheated, shunned; they deserve so much more than this spouse who doesn’t worship them.
From there, the cheating begins. From there, the self-indulgence begins. In the long run…. it’s the child who was taught to believe they are the “golden-child” 
that is the cheater.
Compare notes, I think I’m right.
Love to all,
This, That, and Maybe More 
The cheater personality generally is one, from what I have seen, who feels like they have done plenty, and deserved more. Even when they have done… little. They make it into grandiose sacrifice, or they have worked hard but expect incredible acolades when… generally a lot of people in life work hard. Golden child is an ok way to say it. Narcissistic aspects. Some ‘I deserve it all, even though I am actually a shithead’ perspective.
So frustrated right now.
Raising your children is amazing. And people say what they hear more than they say what they believe.
Life is hard.
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