All my life, up until my late 40’s, all I ever wanted to be was a mom. I prayed, begged, insisted, to be a mom. I am oh-so-fricken glad that I got that desire. Honestly, since I could remember it is all I ever wanted.
From the time my darlings were conceived until now, quite recently, I gladly gave everything up so that I could be a stay at home mom. Would I do it again? Would I repeat every step I’ve taken? Hell, effing ya!
I laugh when I share how I loved to grocery shop because it’s the only time I could spend money (without guilt). Would I do it again? Hell, effing ya!
I loved every single day of being home with my girls. I cherished every moment, lonely moment of the day; feeling stressed, depressed, And alone. Why? I was bound to my place of residence, raising the girls. It’s all I ever wanted, my dream, it came true. Would I do it again? Hell, effing ya!
I NEVER felt gypped, underappreciated or lesser than the working moms in my community, who “made money, or helped contribute, to the household income.”
Bull shit, Yes, Bull shit, I say.
I contributed to the household. I helped save money, and I refused to shell out money to daycare, babysitters, or even the new word (in my town) “nanny.” So, I did help to run the household. I kept from spending money.
When my first started Kindergarten, I would stand in the “mom circle” and listen to the mommy’s talk about how they “could never be just a mom, stay home and do nothing all day, watching the kids”. WTF? Just do nothing all day? Are you fricken serious? Who does NOTHING, when watching kids? SMH
I would never change my past, never. In fact, I would do this all over again. Just so that I could spend days reading, cooking Mac n Cheese, visiting libraries, traveling to see gma, (Even Mother-in-law gma) and all that other “crap”, that the “lazy, do nothing mom’s” do, when we stay at home with our children. OUR CHILDREN. I would do it again. Hell, effing ya!
I would lose my H, for this very reason.
Hell, effing ya!
What triggered this post, you might ask? Why kids, why now?
Some would say that I lost myself. I lost myself in raising children. While my poor H worked his azz off, I let myself go. ]
I always made sure to look my best, be my best, present my best for when H returned home, after a hard days work. I’m proud of that. I did, I tried.
He… HE… HE IS the one who decided to take the path he took. I am clean, I am good, it is I who followed the “script”.
No, I detested him long before he cheated and wandered. I detested him long before he made the choices he made.
He tried, he was crazy about me, it is I who thought he should change. It is I who thought he should be someone he could/would never be. Does it excuse his choices? Well, of course… Hell effing NO!
There is this point that a WS comes to where he/she truly believes they have been gypped, cheated, shunned; they deserve so much more than this spouse who doesn’t worship them.
From there, the cheating begins. From there, the self-indulgence begins. In the long run…. it’s the child who was taught to believe they are the “golden-child” that is the cheater.
Compare notes, I think I’m right.
Love to all,