Category: Life and Marriage- Do I stay or Do I leave/

How to write classy, elegant, emails that read as if you are in complete control of your mind and emotions. 

How to write classy, elegant, emails that read as if you are in complete control of your mind, your emotions when the recipient is to be his lover.

How to write classy, elegant, emails that read as if you are in complete control of your mind, and emotions when the recipient is to be his lover AND you’ve had a drink or five.

How to write classy, elegant emails that read as if you are in complete control of your mind, and emotions when the recipient is his lover, you’ve had a drink or five, and you’re living on little sleep. 

Do not write any type of communication to your husbands “maybe” lover. She will consider you crazier than he might have painted you to be, and she will again/still have the upper hand.

My Dear, Yes My Dear,

I write this to you and I hope to be raw. Raw, real, revealing and did I say raw? I want for you and every other cheater to realize and know the pain your decision, your choice, your moves have caused. YOUR moves HAVE CAUSED SINCERE AND GREAT PAIN.

Sincere: free of dissimulation : honest

• a sincere interest

free of dissimulation : honest

• a sincere interest

Real: (of a substance or thing) not imitation or artificial; genuine:

I know, You know, you know that I know and I know that you know I know, so why the heck are we playing this game?

Every time I come close to blowing this BS façade wide open, you begin to tell me how much you love me, I’m the only one, and that you are so glad these last two years of me being “crazy” are over. AKA you were close to unveiling me, you’re quiet now, thank God. You no longer hound me, make innuendos, prosecute me and nail my you know what to the wall.

You should NEVER have told me I don’t have the balls that I think I have.

As the chick in Pretty Woman says:  Big Mistake – Huge!

One of the “original” women that I became suspicious of, hanging out with banging my H, has come back into our lives. She was gone for a while, but apparently has taken a new job, with a new vendor, and she wants our business.

I never confronted her personally but did my husband and I can be quite sure he passed the message on.

I decided to slowly befriend her more so than polite hellos, I mean, why not? She bagged my H, I should know what he’s bringing home. Or brought home, right? ( I think they are over but who knows)

Yesterday, she “stopped by” with new material and we chatted about my shoes and how I “always have such cute shoes”, per her. She then went into my husbands’ office we share a door between his and mine; Oh,  such fun, they chatted and laughed about nothing and everything, keeping sure that she stood in the doorway so that I could see and hear. She then, AGAIN, loudly mentioned that she has driven through the little town our vacation home resides, but never really looked around.

NOBODY, drives through the town in which we vacation. NOBODY. In fact, you would miss it if you sneezed while passing. Also, our little vacation home is Five hours away from our current location, and where she was going when she “drove through” is about Eight hours away.

I knew she was lying since about four months ago when she first came back into the picture she asked me if I’ve been going to our house, “where is it again? I’ve never even heard of it before”.  Again, I knew this lie already and had it filed. (Because, poor liar forgot that she told me prior: she “Drove through” our little town.

Have I confused you? It goes like this: Drove through, Never heard of, Drove through. As my husband has always preached (ironically enough) Liars forget their lies, that’s where they give themselves away.

But, suddenly, and I mean all of a sudden from nowhere, it hit me like a punch to the gut: SHE IS LYING, she is covering my H and Her ass, she thinks she is being sneaky but reiterating that she doesn’t know… BULL SH*T. It hit me bad, it hit me HARD.  I became enraged.

After she was gone, about an hour, I texted her to see if she would stop by, not now, it’s too busy, but later. She waited about five minutes to respond, I know she opened immediately because that little read message appeared.

I imagined her to be texting my husband or calling to ask what he might think it’s about.  Now, because I mentioned the drive through act to my husband when she left, I’m pretty sure he told her. “You overdid it you dumb ass, you blew us up” he probably didn’t say it like that( hehe).

She responded yes, she would drop by and  I told her I’d text when it’s good and she kept asking what it was about.

Strangely enough, my H hung out a bit longer than usual. He arrives at 4 am, it’s now 415 pm, whatever is he staying for, I wondered. (Sarcastically said) I texted her just that: “so strange, H is still here, we might need to reschedule.

Blah blah blah, we exchanged niceties and she again asked, what this is about

Her: I’m not sleeping with your man or anyone else’s if that’s what your thinking”

Me: That emoji with the eyes wide open that looks like WTH?!   

“Friday”, I said, “what about lunch Friday?

“Good,” She said and asked again what this will be about. I replied that I wanted to “have a heart to heart, That’s all.”

I let the silence hang, and it stayed there.

Oh, and about 45 minutes later, I accidentally texted her instead of my friend (yeah right)

“He never should have said I don’t have balls because it.is.on.now. Oh, by the way, only one answered back”

When she immediately texted back ???????

I texted back 

“Oopsie  meant for a friend.”

I know that I know she is sitting in her own crap right now because she knows that if this gets out, her job is G.O.N.E.

I have a heart, I would never want that, she is a single mom. However, I’m not going to let her know that part. I’m just going to mention that I know the truth when it’s in my face and if she doesn’t give me the details I need, I’m going to splatter all over the place the information I have. Facebook, Instagram, The newspaper, whatever I would need to bring her down, I’ll do, unless she cooperates.

So, my friends, if you have better ideas, I would love to hear them.

For our 20th wedding anniversary, we decided to do something not many were doing at the time, and that is get ring tattoos. Is was a pretty big deal because my husband hates tattoos. This fact puzzles me because this guy lived an outrageous life well into his early 30’s. One of those “you’ll never change me ” guys that lives and thrives so that he could shock people with his antics. Me, I love tattoos. It’s probably a good thing as he as the ability to cause me to stop and think things through. I would be the one with a tattoo that I would think later, maybe not such a good idea. I would– have a giant one of

across my back, down my leg or something ridiculous.

Back to us; my H made this sweet gesture that we could have our wedding ring finger tattooed. He was quite careless with his wedding ring, he works in construction, and would forget to remove the ring, arrive at the job remove the ring, place it in his pocket or where ever. I personally believe if it meant anything he would have been more careful but, I’m a woman and that an emotional conclusion, so says he.

I was terrified when it came time and not because of anticipated pain. I felt uneasy; it was more commitment than marriage for me, yeah it was strange. However, I now have come to believe that wedding ring tattoos are a curse. I don’t say that lightly, and I don’t believe in a curse, per se, but I think it does something to a person on the deep, and they, he or she, suddenly feel trapped more so than they before might have felt.

Or

It could simply be a turn on for the opposite sex, a desire to lure the animal away from the current meal.

Or

The WS was always a cheat, and it’s more apparent now than ever before.

I would still wear my original, physical ring on my finger, over the tattoo it just felt right. For the last four years, nearly five, that is how it’s was until three weeks ago, maybe more, I took it off as I do, to clean house. We were at our vacation home and he pulled one of his “I forget to buy this at the store, Oh no, we need that at the store.” Remember, his excuses worked for a while when I wasn’t paying attention.  So, again, he did the “I forgot something”, I waited for him to walk out the door and said: “Wait, I’ll go with you”! What now? He could not back out at this point, we got in the truck, and I’ll be damned, he forgot his list inside the house.

I’m sure he called or texted while collecting his list, to let her know, it ain’t gonna happen, baby, Red Alert, we gotta find another plan.

Upon arriving home from the store and no more than four minutes, he decided the ATV needed to be started and rode, so it continues to run smoothly when needed.

I haven’t put my ring back on since then. It doesn’t feel sincere, it feels like a lie. Why should he benefit from whatever it is he is doing, by me proclaiming with Two rings on my finger, that I belong to him?

Dear Other Woman/Women, 

There have been many letters written to you, her, and she –  many. We, the BS pour our hearts and feelings out; You and your group of single, sexy, friends laugh at the words, delight at the words we so nakedly proclaim, oh-so-funny. You pretend not to care, act as if you are free and open-minded, free loving, no limits, with no condition, no rules, come as you are- a crazy, non-suppressive, uncommitted, all you want sex. You offer all of this for MY (all scorned women) husband.

Guess what, Ms. Twenty Four, or even,  Thirty-Five year old? We old frumpy, “sex-hating”, has been Forty-Five – Fifty-year-old women, we missionary style only, disgusted and to show our nakedness, we prudes, the ones who “refuse” to fuck our husbands, we were once your age. We know. We know so much that we gently laugh at you dumb-ass(es),  the young, single, desperate women (who will take our husband) because you hate being single. We, many of us, DO fuck our husband and not just missionary style, we like and LOVE sex, we show our nakedness, we are NOT prudes, and we enjoy sex also, that is if he allows us to participate. (Code for last more than 2.5 minutes)

WHY? How do we know? 

WE WERE YOU! Imagine…. we know- we know how to fake a wild, out of control orgasm just the same as you know. Best of all… we know you do (fake) and why? Because you no longer want to be single.

So

You are more than willing to take our balding, pot-bellied, overtired, greying, yellow-toothed husband; why are you willing to take our husband? Because you no longer want to be single.  AGAIN, how do we know? Because WE.WERE.ONCE.YOU.

We loved him through his depression. We loved him through the passed over promotion. We loved him through the “oh my God, do we have enough money this month” stressful times. We helped to mold him (like he did us) who he is today.

So, when you listen to his sad stories, the one that speaks of his sexless marriage, the one that speaks of his being ignored because of the children (HIS children) when you listen to his: ” my wife doesn’t understand me”, woe is my story, just know… We do, we listen, we care, we try. Some of us have listened and understood so much that we have encouraged him to have his time, have his weekends. Go— Go golf, fish, play– do what you need. I will continue to love and nurture both you and the children.

So, Dear Her, She, OW and Understanding Lover,

Because We know,  We know– and we can not understand– where is the “sisterhood”? Where is the” I stand for my un-known sister who is taking care of this man who needs to be the center of attention”, so much that he will turn on the woman who helped him along through the uncomfortable, ball busting, insecure years of his life?

Go ahead, take him, feed his ego.

*Warning* He is a man, his eyes and thoughts WILL wander. He looks at other women, believes he deserves more, he has potential to resent his own children because they take time and attention away.  AND – he  WILL leave his socks on the floor, underwear in his levis, and has the assumption that he can cook, much better than you can.

But, most of all, Dear He, She, OW and understanding Lover,

He can be sweet, loving and will melt if you cry. He once loved the Lord, and I  know he will again. He is insecure, needs affirmation, many times over again, some days more than others. He know’s if you are sincere or blowing smoke. He wants for you to dote on him love him desperately, he wants to be the center of your world.

Dear Her, She, OW and Understanding Lover,

Please, treat him with love, compassion and all the attention you gladly gave to him in the beginning.  He needs it, almost requires it to live. If you don’t, he WILL find someone to replace you.

I’m not sure how long it’s been since we, I’ve touched base with you. But, since i tend to be “wordy” I’m going straight to “it” to update a bit.

I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned affairs, I know I’ve mentioned drinking, geeze, who knows and I’m not going through the last post, it will just depress me (even more). As you have gathered, I’m sure, I tend to be a depressed person. However, I think, because I’ve lived with “it” most my life, I think I’m darn good at faking.

So, straight to it, I’ve figured out that my husband (currently?) has been having an affair with the woman who lives behind us, our vacation home. I. WAS. SHOCKED!! when I found out who. 

How did I find out who? God, yes God. I will probably detail later. My husband took a last minute bogus trip out of state, one I should have been on. throughout some strange happenings, and because I was and still am, hyper-sensative to every move he makes, I prayed with all I have to ask God to please, reveal, expose, have my husband somehow mis-speak, to give details away. AND MY HUSBAND DID!!!

When speaking on the phone with my husband, as he explained the hotel room he mentioned he was on the second floorie. Yes, floorie.  i don’t think he realized what he said, but of course, I did.

After immediately investigating I found that Lori lives directly behind our vacation home. The one we should be retiring in, when we’ve finally reached our right of passage. It all fell into place. All those times I gps(D) him, yeppppp I found the who, what, and of course, because I’m a “snoop” in his opinion, I know most details.

This was about three months ago. Because I am such a coward, I held off on the pretense that I was waiting for more concrete evidence. I have the fricken evidence. Did I tell you about the time he went “fishing” and I walked past the home in which she and her husband YES HUSBAND live and I heard him screaming like a little girl? I was much too drunk to act; and, again, I’m a fricken coward. I went home and destroyed our home, destroyed. 

People, I do not judge, I don’t care what you weigh, how you dress, where you live, so on, so forth. I will say that she crossed my mind, but when I saw her I thought “no way, ab.so.lute.ly no way he would hook up with her. 

I’ve been wrong. Oh, so darn wrong.

I will do my best to update as we go, including the details, for now, I just want to get re-acquainted and touch base. Let you know I’m here, hopefully, I’m back, and oh, the stories I have.

Yes, unfortunately, we are still together. I say unfortunately because I am a coward who is still waiting for concrete evidence. Caught you in bed, AH HA! evidence.  No longer, however, I hope to have some hold me accountable. You’ll know why soon.

Now, I’m sorry to say I’m the drunk,

I know, In my 53 years of life, I’ve had a drink maybe once a year since 24. Now, it is nightly, I just can hardly do this anymore. Do the lies, cheating, lies and lies.

Between you and me, since I know who she is, I call and leave her voicemails at work (I don’t have her cell) and I semi harass her. I threaten to tell her husband if she doesn’t give me all the info I need. She has been married two, TWO!!!! months now. She all along while screwing my husband, while engaged, has been “vodie oh doeing” my husband. HE, my husband, is taking part in ruining another marriage, other than ours. My Gosh, I just can’t wrap my brain around all this BS.

So, this is where I am, a fifty-plus woman who harrasses a 40-plus woman by leaving voice mails. I can’t even do it to “her face.” What a loser I am!

I am praying this is it, the last of it all. We are supposed to go to our vacation home this weekend. I am praying that if they have a “visit” I will call out and walk out. End of story, End of marriage. Who the hell cares what time of year it is, I’m out ( I hope) By the way, I’ve also tried texting her husband to tell him details but he is less than helpful, he doesn’t believe me.  I just can’t bring myself to tell him who I am. I mean, we are not at our home 24/7 what will he do if he know’s who it is, our home is left unattended. Understand ?

Yes, I’ve confronted and asked my husband as well. He calls me crazy, of course, he gives me the WS script.

So, I will appreciate your prayers and good wishes. Your advice wouldn’t hurt either. 

Do you believe in God? Because I do. Do you think that God cares about your marriage, your children? Do you think he cares where you live, go to school, work? I do. I believe he cares, I believe in God, AND I have a personal relationship with Jesus. So, some ask, why am I so unhappy, why is my life in a continuing state of angst?

There are many answers for that, and I am searching for mine. I’m willing to share mine with you just because it might help someone along the way, in addition to writing helps me to sort my thoughts.

Some of you are aware of my back story: Married to a person who loves to drink, not always and not every day, but when he does drink, he is lovin “it”.  For years, many years I cried out to God, wrote in journals and shared requests, that my husband would know the pain that his drinking could cause. I was miserable, poor me! I asked God to do whatever it took to bring us closer and make me love my husband like I should.

A few months later I was 98% positive my husband and just picked up and affair. And that, my friends, is where my story is still being written. I have over the several months asked him if he was cheating, demanded to know if he was cheating and begged him to tell me if he was cheating. Every time he said I was crazy and imagining things I would question myself. Well, not every time but many.  Now, I still do not have the proof, but I am very sure. Why am I still here? Why am I so sure?

Hang out, let’s go through this together, bring your story if you’re going through this too, God Bless you if you are.

I am taking 31 days, yes, 31, to pray for this marriage, myself and my husband.  I’ve started many times and quit about day 8, convinced it won’t change. I’m on day 10 now and I’m going to the end.

This Book has inspired me like never before and I want you to be inspired as well.  These are NOT magic prayers, there is NO magic in this book, however, it will get you on track to pray and cry out to the true “fixer” of marriages, you won’t be sorry. This book will bring you right back to the Bible.

Listen though, friends. This blog is going to be real. There are days I’m discouraged, days I am furious and days I’m depressed. There are days I let God have it, because I’m real, I’m not perfect and never will be. I’m a Christian and I still hurt, I still doubt and I still grow angry.

Let me share a phrase that has stuck with me, and when I begin to doubt, I pray it, adding my own words:

Page 36     Hope For Your Marriage 31 War Room Prayers, Jennifer O. White

You are the Creator and Sustainer of the universe. Surely holding our marriage together is not too hard for You. I am looking to You as the Saviour of this marriage. I am boldly coming to Your throne asking for the stability and strength you have to offer us.

Isn’t that just WOW?

Stay here with me, I could use your support and your words. Leave a link to your blog, I’d love to do the same.

Thank you, Loving Creator, my Hope and now, My Strength.

YOU will NEVER know the pain you cause because you will NEVER stick around to find out. YOU will always believe that you’ve done your best because compared to who you are, what you’ve been through and what you’ve done…. THIS IS your best.

When I said I feel sad for you, we laughed, but  I meant it because you have been raised to not know. You don’t know the havoc you create, or the chaos you’ve created because your family has ALWAYS covered your ass.

It happens to be funny stories to tell when circled the table at Thanksgiving or Christmas Eve Dinner, everyone laughs, including us, but we know,  the sad truth, you can’t be real, you can’t be true. it just might be impossible to love, because you’ve been cheated, your innocence was taken away, by an adult, one who knows better, one who given in a position of trust, and yet, took advantage of that position.

When is that excuse no longer okay to use?

[

-No contact for 30-days:

• Texting
• Email
• Letters
• FB
• Friends deliver message.

Any of these that are broken null and void the proposed contract.

Follow to the letter the assignments for each day.

Any day that is avoided, ignored or changed makes null and void proposed contract.

Can text, email or quick call one another to discuss work, kids or money issues.

I write checks, you sign them. Money does not move unless agreed to by both.

Any of these broken this makes null and void proposed contract.

We will share work days and vacation days. When you are in the field I will be in office. I will come into work at 2:30 and work what can’t be done at home via telecommunication.

If after 30 days we both feel the same, AFTER the daily assignments have been followed, the Sebastopol house is as started with the agreed upon payment.